The golden rule has taught us to treat others as we would like others to treat us. Live by a sample in a way. But is that really admirable? Desirable? Perhaps, but doesn't work.
We can't make others follow our wishes. Not even in regards how we wish to be treated by them. If we expect others to treat us the way we treat them, for others to take notice of our sample, it's a sure road for a bitter disappointment.
I've come to realize that other people just don't think like me. They don't see or feel the way I do. It's taken me damn long to realize I expect too much from others. I have expected others to just take notice of my actions and for them to understand me without me ever telling them what I feel or consider polite and friendly. I have assumed a lot.
For me it's obvious to show respect to people by being on time at appointments. For me it's obvious to keep promises. I expect the same from others and get disappointed and hurt when I don't receive it. To me, when someone is late from the agreed time due to no relevant reason, it's a personal insult. It tells me that I don't matter. I can be kept waiting. I'm never late, or if I am there is a very good reason for it and I inform others as soon as possible. And feel horrible about it. It's hard for me to understand how people can be so different in this - why it's no big deal for others. And I know it isn't - I've spoken about this friends who have had absolutely no idea how I've felt and why it would be so. Who have also felt horrid about it then as they've never meant it that way. They have their ways, I have mine.
I have high expectations to myself. I'm also always thinking about others, how to make my friends feel better, how to support them the best, how to be a good friend - always be there for others. When I can help others, it makes me feel good. So my behaviour is selfish as well. I value myself more when I can be of help to others. I need to be able to be of help to others for me to feel better about myself, about my value. In return I wish that was recognized. I don't expect the same dedication from others but just general value for our friendship. Such as valuing our arrangements. But that's just the thing - we all have our different ways in showing our love and appreciation.
It's not the ill-will of people that lead to disappointing behaviour but just people being different. Different people consider different behaviour polite and friendly - and the opposite. What's disappointing and insulting to me is not always considered the same by others. Which has made me realize I need to tell people how I feel, how I wish to be treated and how some "misbehaviour" like being consistently late insults me. I can't expect others just to understand and know this, if the same would not mean that much for them. To be fair, we need to tell people how we wish to be treated.
"Treat others as you wish to be treated" is a good moral guideline, but should not to be confused with expectations regarding how we wish others to treat us. It's a guideline to our subjective behaviour - how oneself should behave based on one's own moral values. It's a guideline to our own good, moral behaviour - not to that of others.
We can't make others follow our wishes. Not even in regards how we wish to be treated by them. If we expect others to treat us the way we treat them, for others to take notice of our sample, it's a sure road for a bitter disappointment.
I've come to realize that other people just don't think like me. They don't see or feel the way I do. It's taken me damn long to realize I expect too much from others. I have expected others to just take notice of my actions and for them to understand me without me ever telling them what I feel or consider polite and friendly. I have assumed a lot.
For me it's obvious to show respect to people by being on time at appointments. For me it's obvious to keep promises. I expect the same from others and get disappointed and hurt when I don't receive it. To me, when someone is late from the agreed time due to no relevant reason, it's a personal insult. It tells me that I don't matter. I can be kept waiting. I'm never late, or if I am there is a very good reason for it and I inform others as soon as possible. And feel horrible about it. It's hard for me to understand how people can be so different in this - why it's no big deal for others. And I know it isn't - I've spoken about this friends who have had absolutely no idea how I've felt and why it would be so. Who have also felt horrid about it then as they've never meant it that way. They have their ways, I have mine.
I have high expectations to myself. I'm also always thinking about others, how to make my friends feel better, how to support them the best, how to be a good friend - always be there for others. When I can help others, it makes me feel good. So my behaviour is selfish as well. I value myself more when I can be of help to others. I need to be able to be of help to others for me to feel better about myself, about my value. In return I wish that was recognized. I don't expect the same dedication from others but just general value for our friendship. Such as valuing our arrangements. But that's just the thing - we all have our different ways in showing our love and appreciation.
It's not the ill-will of people that lead to disappointing behaviour but just people being different. Different people consider different behaviour polite and friendly - and the opposite. What's disappointing and insulting to me is not always considered the same by others. Which has made me realize I need to tell people how I feel, how I wish to be treated and how some "misbehaviour" like being consistently late insults me. I can't expect others just to understand and know this, if the same would not mean that much for them. To be fair, we need to tell people how we wish to be treated.
"Treat others as you wish to be treated" is a good moral guideline, but should not to be confused with expectations regarding how we wish others to treat us. It's a guideline to our subjective behaviour - how oneself should behave based on one's own moral values. It's a guideline to our own good, moral behaviour - not to that of others.
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